I am so grateful for this amazing day! The weather has been beautiful and I have truly felt God with me all day long. After finishing my prayer this morning, on the Mommy Loop again, I actually felt like he was sitting in the passenger seat of my car. I had a little chuckle and went on with my drive. I normally ask God to stay with me through my day and bring me strength and patience. My manager makes fun and me and says that by asking for these things from God, he will only give me opportunities to try my strength and patience. I see her point, but I must say that if God knew me before I was born and knows my thoughts, do I really have to play word games with him in my prayer to get the desired result?
I ask for God to walk with me. Not just to walk with me, to let me know he is there and not to doubt him and to help me live my life in a way that praises him. I usually feel like I fail miserably at that last part. Today it seemed like every time I looked up, there he was, staring me in the face. Every opportunity he had to make his presence known to me, he did. And I knew it all day long. I even noticed that I was acting differently. Like I didn't want to do anything to make his presence go away or disappoint him. In my head I know this is just silly, because he's always there, and yet I still fight that feeling that if I mess up, he will leave me and never look back.
So I am so grateful for this day and I hope to experience many more like it. I hope that everyone experiences days like this. It is so uplifting and motivating.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Self Help
Here is something I need to work on...not allowing people (specifically, not nice people) to get a reaction out of me. For example, I have a resident who is most often incredibly ugly and hard to get along with. I know, it's shocking that I would complain about a resident, but it amazes me how rude and hateful some people can be, and it seems as though my particular community has been infested with this group of really unhappy people. And the only way these people can feel better about their own lives is to belittle those of us who, God forbid, are working in the trenches. Like they are so much better than we are and we somehow deserve being treated like trash because we have chosen such a life for ourselves.
So back to my original complaint...this particular resident, who we have nick named Lucifer (because of the aforementioned attitude and her name happens to be similar) is disabled. I have absolutely no problem with the disability part, except that every month she uses that as an excuse to not bring her rent check to the office. It started every now and then, but she calls now every month, 15-30 minutes before we close to ask if someone can come pick her check up that she tapes to her front door. As if it wasn't bad enough that she asks someone to pick her check up at her door, but she can't even manage to make eye contact with anyone while they do it, and she can't even muster up enough energy to ask nicely. She asks as though we should just do it because she is who she is and why wouldn't we bend over backwards to accommodate her? Now as if that wasn't enough, let me also add that she has no problem whatsoever getting in her car, driving to the liquor store and carrying in gallon jugs of wine. However, when she drops said bottles of wine in the parking lot, she just can't manage cleaning up the broken glass. That is something she calls us to do. Maybe I am being somewhat unsympathetic, but if you can handle doing these things, why wouldn't you be able to just bring a check to the office? You have to pass us on our way out to the liquor store.
In the two years I have worked here, she has gotten better. Hard to believe it was worse, right? When I first started, she would pull into the parking lot, 5-15 minutes before we close on the 5th and HONK THE HORN until you came out to get her check from her in the car. It only took one month of being on the phone and one month of being in the restroom to break that habit. And to be honest, I may have seen her car pull up and decided to check the messages or run to the restroom while no one was in the office. I never claimed not to be spiteful.
So the spiteful comment brings me back to my whole point. But you have to get background to understand. Anyway, this afternoon is basically like another 5th for me. And I have decided to be proactive with her rent payments. The last two months I have called her early in the day on the 5th and offered to come pick her check up while we have a full or at least semi-full staff. Last month, she seemed terribly offended by the offer and yet called at 6:30 and admitted that she should have accepted and asked if I could still come get her check. I hesitated but still went to avoid hearing the "woe is me" whining. MISTAKE!!! So today, I called as soon as I got to work. Fully expecting her to have seen the error of her ways. Clearly, I was in the midst of an unusually optimistic moment. Of course, this was not the case again. I nicely explained that I would be the only person in the office tonight and would not be able to come pick up her check. Sure enough, 5:30 comes around and she calls asking me to get her check from her door. I again explained that I could not which clearly upset her. She's not used to not getting her way. She finally agreed to bring her check to the office and I agreed to get it from her car in the parking lot.
Guess what though...6:45, she calls again to say she's leaving her apartment in 5 minutes. I could walk to her apartment from my office in 5 minute and it still takes her 20 minutes to drive down. My resentment got the best of me and at 7:00 on the dot, I locked to doors and forwarded the phones..knowing she would call when she was pulling in. She did, and it went to the service. But I was watching like the good little employee I am and ran out into the 30 something degree rain to get her check. Part of me, a big part, thought she would feel just a little bit bad about making me wait. What was I thinking and why would I ever think that?!?! I am quite certain that this act of passive aggression was intentional. And sadly this epiphany didn't take place until after the fact. I should have run out, all smiles, gushing and the mere sight of her to gratefully accept her rent check and thank her for the opportunity to serve her! Now that would have worked! But no, as always my little brain and common sense takes over 2 seconds too late.
After I left, twenty minutes late, I began to pray. I know I should pray more, but usually God and I have our little chats in the mornings. I think he appreciates my structured praying schedule. He knows he can count on me to talk to Him while driving around the "Mommy Loop" between taking Savannah to school and getting to work. I call this the Mommy Loop because Savannah's school is only 1 mile away from our apartment and my work. I manage to drive around aimlessly for 45 minutes on a good day, but I digress. Anyway, I prayed on the way to Dad's to pick up Savannah. I pray that God brings this woman comfort and wisdom. Comfort to make her life easier and less painful and wisdom to know she doesn't have to be so miserable. She keeps sucking herself down into this vortex of nasty behavior which I can only imagine makes her feel worse than she realizes.
I also prayed that God gives me the strength to not let these people control me. And I kept repeating that I cannot control anyone but myself. I cannot control anyone else's actions, but I can control my reactions.
So to bring this whole long-winded story back to the beginning...I need to work on my reactions. I need to pray that God walks with all His children, to comfort them and bring them wisdom instead of having my own spiteful reactions. I am planning to work on this, but I've been this way as long as I can remember. So if anyone has any tips, please let me know.
I know it must seem like I hate my job, but I really don't. We have plenty of this type of resident here but we also have other residents that make what I do worth while.
Next time, I will try to keep my long-winded self in check and keep it a little shorter. I'm a work in progress.
So back to my original complaint...this particular resident, who we have nick named Lucifer (because of the aforementioned attitude and her name happens to be similar) is disabled. I have absolutely no problem with the disability part, except that every month she uses that as an excuse to not bring her rent check to the office. It started every now and then, but she calls now every month, 15-30 minutes before we close to ask if someone can come pick her check up that she tapes to her front door. As if it wasn't bad enough that she asks someone to pick her check up at her door, but she can't even manage to make eye contact with anyone while they do it, and she can't even muster up enough energy to ask nicely. She asks as though we should just do it because she is who she is and why wouldn't we bend over backwards to accommodate her? Now as if that wasn't enough, let me also add that she has no problem whatsoever getting in her car, driving to the liquor store and carrying in gallon jugs of wine. However, when she drops said bottles of wine in the parking lot, she just can't manage cleaning up the broken glass. That is something she calls us to do. Maybe I am being somewhat unsympathetic, but if you can handle doing these things, why wouldn't you be able to just bring a check to the office? You have to pass us on our way out to the liquor store.
In the two years I have worked here, she has gotten better. Hard to believe it was worse, right? When I first started, she would pull into the parking lot, 5-15 minutes before we close on the 5th and HONK THE HORN until you came out to get her check from her in the car. It only took one month of being on the phone and one month of being in the restroom to break that habit. And to be honest, I may have seen her car pull up and decided to check the messages or run to the restroom while no one was in the office. I never claimed not to be spiteful.
So the spiteful comment brings me back to my whole point. But you have to get background to understand. Anyway, this afternoon is basically like another 5th for me. And I have decided to be proactive with her rent payments. The last two months I have called her early in the day on the 5th and offered to come pick her check up while we have a full or at least semi-full staff. Last month, she seemed terribly offended by the offer and yet called at 6:30 and admitted that she should have accepted and asked if I could still come get her check. I hesitated but still went to avoid hearing the "woe is me" whining. MISTAKE!!! So today, I called as soon as I got to work. Fully expecting her to have seen the error of her ways. Clearly, I was in the midst of an unusually optimistic moment. Of course, this was not the case again. I nicely explained that I would be the only person in the office tonight and would not be able to come pick up her check. Sure enough, 5:30 comes around and she calls asking me to get her check from her door. I again explained that I could not which clearly upset her. She's not used to not getting her way. She finally agreed to bring her check to the office and I agreed to get it from her car in the parking lot.
Guess what though...6:45, she calls again to say she's leaving her apartment in 5 minutes. I could walk to her apartment from my office in 5 minute and it still takes her 20 minutes to drive down. My resentment got the best of me and at 7:00 on the dot, I locked to doors and forwarded the phones..knowing she would call when she was pulling in. She did, and it went to the service. But I was watching like the good little employee I am and ran out into the 30 something degree rain to get her check. Part of me, a big part, thought she would feel just a little bit bad about making me wait. What was I thinking and why would I ever think that?!?! I am quite certain that this act of passive aggression was intentional. And sadly this epiphany didn't take place until after the fact. I should have run out, all smiles, gushing and the mere sight of her to gratefully accept her rent check and thank her for the opportunity to serve her! Now that would have worked! But no, as always my little brain and common sense takes over 2 seconds too late.
After I left, twenty minutes late, I began to pray. I know I should pray more, but usually God and I have our little chats in the mornings. I think he appreciates my structured praying schedule. He knows he can count on me to talk to Him while driving around the "Mommy Loop" between taking Savannah to school and getting to work. I call this the Mommy Loop because Savannah's school is only 1 mile away from our apartment and my work. I manage to drive around aimlessly for 45 minutes on a good day, but I digress. Anyway, I prayed on the way to Dad's to pick up Savannah. I pray that God brings this woman comfort and wisdom. Comfort to make her life easier and less painful and wisdom to know she doesn't have to be so miserable. She keeps sucking herself down into this vortex of nasty behavior which I can only imagine makes her feel worse than she realizes.
I also prayed that God gives me the strength to not let these people control me. And I kept repeating that I cannot control anyone but myself. I cannot control anyone else's actions, but I can control my reactions.
So to bring this whole long-winded story back to the beginning...I need to work on my reactions. I need to pray that God walks with all His children, to comfort them and bring them wisdom instead of having my own spiteful reactions. I am planning to work on this, but I've been this way as long as I can remember. So if anyone has any tips, please let me know.
I know it must seem like I hate my job, but I really don't. We have plenty of this type of resident here but we also have other residents that make what I do worth while.
Next time, I will try to keep my long-winded self in check and keep it a little shorter. I'm a work in progress.
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