Harris Teeter

This may seem silly, but I feel the need to share anyway. Unless I take my grandmother to Wal-Mart to get her groceries, I choose Kroger on Hwy 100 as my grocery store. However, Kroger apparently does not carry the andioulle sausage I use when making jambalaya. I tried Krogers on Hwy 100 and Hwy 70 with no luck. Harris Teeter usually carries it, so I made a third attempt to purchase this one ingredient I still needed.

Thrilled to see the andioulle stocked at Harris Teeter, I grabbed it as a manager happened to be walking by. He very nicely asked if I need help finding anything and I took that opportunity to mention my excitement that they carried this and that Kroger does not. His response, "Why would you go to Kroger anyway?" I can't blame him for asking the question, it's a reasonable question when trying to get someone's business. My response was "Because you guys are so much more expensive". Now, let me point out again that this was a manager. I don't think he was expecting such a candid answer because all he could do was shake his head and walk off.

Ok, I am in sales and have been for years. I would never consider myself to be a cut-throat salesperson, but I'm darn good at what I do. And my product costs more than many similar products down the road, and even next door! I am amazed by a couple parts of this story. 1. This person is a manager. 2. Why ask a question when you are not prepared to hear the answer of give a proper response. 3. Shaking your head and walking off, really? That was the best response he could muster up.

Again, I know this is silly and I will most likely delete this post out of embarrassment, but I feel the need to share. I apologize if I have offended any loyal Harris Teeter customers.

My baby is about to be 7!

Savannah's birthday is coming up in a couple weeks. She will be 7 years old. This brings up a flood of emotions. The first of which is absolute disbelief that I could possibly be the mother of a 7 year old. When did that happen? It seems like a month ago, I walked up to Crystal at the Clinique counter in shock to share the news that I was pregnant. Never expecting to have children, this discovery was especially astonishing. Once I moved past the initial shock, this was a welcome, and yet very scary, surprise.

For the next nine months, I worked at Dillard's on my feet, in pain most days, wondering how in the world I was going to be a parent. I doubted my maternal instincts, because I had none. The women I worked with said, "once your baby is born, you will know exactly what to do". I questioned this because as I mentioned previously, I had NO maternal instincts. These women were right though. The second Savannah was born, I knew I was her mother and I was responsible for her.

As scary as this new journey was, I welcomed her with open arms. I still questioned myself, but I think for the most part I did a decent job. I know I made mistakes and I was definitely not your typical care-giving mom, but God gave me the daughter I was supposed to have.

I have said it before and I will say it again, Savannah was sent to me to save my life. I was going down a road I should not have been on, that I probably would not have come back from on my own. I am grateful that despite my fears, I am Savannah's mother. She is an amazing child, which I am reminded of daily.

Chef Boyardee

I love to cook. And if I say so myself, I'm not all that bad at it either. I have recipes that I have perfected over the years, and I am also quite good at following a recipe to make new things. Then I usually perfect those as well. My family is full of amazing cooks, all great at making different things. Therefore, I have pretty big shoes to fill.

Last Sunday, while the family was gathered at my grandparent's house for lunch (a weekly occurrence), I asked the question "What should I make for dinner this week?" While trying to make my mental grocery list, I was drawing a complete blank on what I wanted to cook. My sister suggested this very yummy dish she makes called Salsa Chicken. It's cheap and easy, and let me also emphasize the yummy, so I figured I could easily make this.

I left the gp's and went to the store. I was very excited about making this Salsa Chicken and decided tonight was the night. Last night, I prepared the chicken so I could just throw it in the crock pot this morning on my way out the door. I followed my sister's instructions to the letter, except I did add some cilantro to the chicken last night. I walked to the door after work, anxiously awaiting this delicious dinner in store for me, only to find the chicken just didn't quite smell as yummy as I expected. I quickly checked the crock pot to find burnt chicken mixed with what I can only describe as something that was at one time salsa. And I still thought, maybe it tastes better than it looks. So I began making the rice and cheese dip with the intention of making a little extra cheese dip to mask the burn flavor.

The only way I can think to describe the hot mess that I made instead of cheese dip is DISASTER! And I guess "hot mess" works too. So anyway, the main ingredient in our dinner tonight was instant rice. Yippee!

After consuming this incredibly disappointing dinner, I was feeling quite badly about my cooking abilities. Sad, yes. So I decided to make myself feel better by making some homemade salsa. Salsa, I can make, and I make it well. I carefully chop all the ingredients, everything fresh from the garden except one onion and the garlic. How could I possibly go wrong with this plan? As you probably guessed by now, yet again somehow I managed it! After everything was mixed in, I tasted it only to find it is so spicy I could hardly breathe. I love salsa, but I don't do crazy spicy. Then I felt this strange burning sensation on my face. What could this be? Could it be that I rubbed my face with some of the jalapeno on my hand?? I must have because my face is still burning, even after wiping it with a wet rag, washing it, slathering it with moisturizer, and waiting about 30 minutes. Even my fingers hurt and I have washed my hands three times.

Now to top it all off, I just bit my nail and the burning sensation is back in my mouth. Note to self, stay the heck out of the kitchen!

Saving Grace - The tv show, not the actual saving grace

I just finished watching the Saving Grace season finale on TNT. I would like to preface this blog with this thought; I find the premise of this show absolutely ridiculous and let me explain. If you are unfamiliar, Grace, played by Holly Hunter, is a police officer in Oklahoma City. She was raised in a strict catholic household and questions her faith in God. In fact, she's pretty blunt and open with her lack of faith. This is most likely why I relate.

Anyway, even though she doubts the Lord, she has been given this "last chance angel" named Earl. Earl is not what you picture when you think of an angel. He has long hair, a testy attitude, and wears jeans and t-shirts. He has tried for two seasons now to help Grace come back to God. He gives her opportunties to save other people. Last season, it was a death row inmate and this season, a meth addicted stripper. Stange, I know. I wonder what drugs the writers are on but I digress.

This season just ended with Neely, the meth addicted stripper, trying to make God prove His love for her by saving her as she jumps off a twelve story building. While I can understand the need to have evidentiary proof of God's existence and His love, I think this seems a little silly. Neely says "If God loves me, He will save me after I jump from this building". Grace runs to catch her and they both fall the ground. All Grace's friends rush over to find her and Neely have landed safely and indeed survived the fall. This is when Neely annouces that they both have an angel. And...scene.

Now I will get to my point. I understand how difficult it can be to have faith in someone or something that you cannot see, or hear, or touch, or talk to and receive a typical answer from. I walked away from God when I felt He wasn't there for me. Years later, seeing the error of my ways, I realize that He was with me even when I didn't want Him to be. I take great comfort in knowing that God loves me. That He made me the way I am and that He does not give me more than I can handle. And He walks with me daily to help me through my struggles.

Much like Grace on the tv show, if God can love and stay with me when I doubted Him, I am overwhelmed by how much love He must have for all of us. I was told once that a mother's love is the closest thing to God's love. Knowing how much I love Savannah, and knowing that my love for her is still no comparison, I am amazed and grateful.

Eternally Grateful

I just feel the need to mention how truly grateful I am for the sacrifices made by my family members and frirnds to help Savannah and I have a better life. I have the most supportive family who loves me, even when I don't love myself.

No names, no specifics, but if you read this, you have most likely done something for which I am grateful and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Even as I try to form words to explain how I feel, I cannot. I will just say that I thank God daily for those people who He has put in my life to help me along the way and I thank you too.

God has smacked me upside the head...

And I love it!

I have been trying so hard to find a good option for Savannah's summer care. Fun Company is being offered at Charlotte Park Elementary, which is a nice school but for some reason, I have just been very apprehensive about signing her up for it. I have had no specific issue with Charlotte Park, just a gut feeling that it wasn't the best place for Savannah to be. I have also known that if I don't hurry up and sign her up for something, I will lose my job for calling in sick for three months while she stays at home. And yet, I have continued to drag my feet.

I have prayed and prayed for God's guidance on this all weekend and this morning, He delivered! In fact, I feel like He smacked me with His guidance. This morning, as I was making the mommy loop, I drove by Nashville Christian School, as I do every day. This morning I happened to look over to notice a big banner that reads "SUMMER CAMP, NOW ENROLLING". I thought to myself, really, why didn't you think of this before?!? I googled their website and found the curriculum, daily devotionals included, prices, hours, any information I could possibly need. I called to see if they still had room and sure enough, they do. And they offer more than what is listed on their website. The price is only $20 more than Fun Company and they have an amazing, structured program. Since my precious little baby girl needs structure, this is perfect!

Anyway, I just had to share my little run-in with the Lord at work in my life. It amazes me when He works so obviously and He knows, I need obvious! Subtle hints do not work with me.

Grateful

I am so grateful for this amazing day! The weather has been beautiful and I have truly felt God with me all day long. After finishing my prayer this morning, on the Mommy Loop again, I actually felt like he was sitting in the passenger seat of my car. I had a little chuckle and went on with my drive. I normally ask God to stay with me through my day and bring me strength and patience. My manager makes fun and me and says that by asking for these things from God, he will only give me opportunities to try my strength and patience. I see her point, but I must say that if God knew me before I was born and knows my thoughts, do I really have to play word games with him in my prayer to get the desired result?

I ask for God to walk with me. Not just to walk with me, to let me know he is there and not to doubt him and to help me live my life in a way that praises him. I usually feel like I fail miserably at that last part. Today it seemed like every time I looked up, there he was, staring me in the face. Every opportunity he had to make his presence known to me, he did. And I knew it all day long. I even noticed that I was acting differently. Like I didn't want to do anything to make his presence go away or disappoint him. In my head I know this is just silly, because he's always there, and yet I still fight that feeling that if I mess up, he will leave me and never look back.

So I am so grateful for this day and I hope to experience many more like it. I hope that everyone experiences days like this. It is so uplifting and motivating.

Self Help

Here is something I need to work on...not allowing people (specifically, not nice people) to get a reaction out of me. For example, I have a resident who is most often incredibly ugly and hard to get along with. I know, it's shocking that I would complain about a resident, but it amazes me how rude and hateful some people can be, and it seems as though my particular community has been infested with this group of really unhappy people. And the only way these people can feel better about their own lives is to belittle those of us who, God forbid, are working in the trenches. Like they are so much better than we are and we somehow deserve being treated like trash because we have chosen such a life for ourselves.

So back to my original complaint...this particular resident, who we have nick named Lucifer (because of the aforementioned attitude and her name happens to be similar) is disabled. I have absolutely no problem with the disability part, except that every month she uses that as an excuse to not bring her rent check to the office. It started every now and then, but she calls now every month, 15-30 minutes before we close to ask if someone can come pick her check up that she tapes to her front door. As if it wasn't bad enough that she asks someone to pick her check up at her door, but she can't even manage to make eye contact with anyone while they do it, and she can't even muster up enough energy to ask nicely. She asks as though we should just do it because she is who she is and why wouldn't we bend over backwards to accommodate her? Now as if that wasn't enough, let me also add that she has no problem whatsoever getting in her car, driving to the liquor store and carrying in gallon jugs of wine. However, when she drops said bottles of wine in the parking lot, she just can't manage cleaning up the broken glass. That is something she calls us to do. Maybe I am being somewhat unsympathetic, but if you can handle doing these things, why wouldn't you be able to just bring a check to the office? You have to pass us on our way out to the liquor store.

In the two years I have worked here, she has gotten better. Hard to believe it was worse, right? When I first started, she would pull into the parking lot, 5-15 minutes before we close on the 5th and HONK THE HORN until you came out to get her check from her in the car. It only took one month of being on the phone and one month of being in the restroom to break that habit. And to be honest, I may have seen her car pull up and decided to check the messages or run to the restroom while no one was in the office. I never claimed not to be spiteful.

So the spiteful comment brings me back to my whole point. But you have to get background to understand. Anyway, this afternoon is basically like another 5th for me. And I have decided to be proactive with her rent payments. The last two months I have called her early in the day on the 5th and offered to come pick her check up while we have a full or at least semi-full staff. Last month, she seemed terribly offended by the offer and yet called at 6:30 and admitted that she should have accepted and asked if I could still come get her check. I hesitated but still went to avoid hearing the "woe is me" whining. MISTAKE!!! So today, I called as soon as I got to work. Fully expecting her to have seen the error of her ways. Clearly, I was in the midst of an unusually optimistic moment. Of course, this was not the case again. I nicely explained that I would be the only person in the office tonight and would not be able to come pick up her check. Sure enough, 5:30 comes around and she calls asking me to get her check from her door. I again explained that I could not which clearly upset her. She's not used to not getting her way. She finally agreed to bring her check to the office and I agreed to get it from her car in the parking lot.

Guess what though...6:45, she calls again to say she's leaving her apartment in 5 minutes. I could walk to her apartment from my office in 5 minute and it still takes her 20 minutes to drive down. My resentment got the best of me and at 7:00 on the dot, I locked to doors and forwarded the phones..knowing she would call when she was pulling in. She did, and it went to the service. But I was watching like the good little employee I am and ran out into the 30 something degree rain to get her check. Part of me, a big part, thought she would feel just a little bit bad about making me wait. What was I thinking and why would I ever think that?!?! I am quite certain that this act of passive aggression was intentional. And sadly this epiphany didn't take place until after the fact. I should have run out, all smiles, gushing and the mere sight of her to gratefully accept her rent check and thank her for the opportunity to serve her! Now that would have worked! But no, as always my little brain and common sense takes over 2 seconds too late.

After I left, twenty minutes late, I began to pray. I know I should pray more, but usually God and I have our little chats in the mornings. I think he appreciates my structured praying schedule. He knows he can count on me to talk to Him while driving around the "Mommy Loop" between taking Savannah to school and getting to work. I call this the Mommy Loop because Savannah's school is only 1 mile away from our apartment and my work. I manage to drive around aimlessly for 45 minutes on a good day, but I digress. Anyway, I prayed on the way to Dad's to pick up Savannah. I pray that God brings this woman comfort and wisdom. Comfort to make her life easier and less painful and wisdom to know she doesn't have to be so miserable. She keeps sucking herself down into this vortex of nasty behavior which I can only imagine makes her feel worse than she realizes.

I also prayed that God gives me the strength to not let these people control me. And I kept repeating that I cannot control anyone but myself. I cannot control anyone else's actions, but I can control my reactions.

So to bring this whole long-winded story back to the beginning...I need to work on my reactions. I need to pray that God walks with all His children, to comfort them and bring them wisdom instead of having my own spiteful reactions. I am planning to work on this, but I've been this way as long as I can remember. So if anyone has any tips, please let me know.

I know it must seem like I hate my job, but I really don't. We have plenty of this type of resident here but we also have other residents that make what I do worth while.

Next time, I will try to keep my long-winded self in check and keep it a little shorter. I'm a work in progress.